Summer

Hey there ;)

Since the summer is slowly leaving and me and my kids are staying more often inside than outside and since I have got purchased a new laptop (*hooray!*) I have somewhat the feeling I will be able to post more often and on a more regular basis than before ;)

Summer was great so far, we had really hot and sweaty days, but also some days with cooler air and rain and some days in the middle, which are the best in my oppinion. Right now my two treasures spend a week or so with their dad and grandparents in the south-east of Austria and enjoying it broadly (they own a house with a garden ;) ).

I just started with my psychology studies and my new 15h per week job, which works out great so far, I hope it will stay this way :-D And I found a new story for my kids (I know it's quite old infact, but I never could get my hands on it- I guess almost everyone has heard of the 'Gingerbreadman' before?), their two friends couldn't get enough of it.

Well, that's just all for today, and as I said before, maybe you are getting to read more from me in the near future (well on my wordpress blog anyway) and if not I do not think you will miss me all too much, since I am just another blogger out there, won't you? ;-P

Bright Blessings,
Ava'

'Round and 'Round

Going 'round in circles

'round and round again.

No beginning, no end no cure to the pain.

Just going 'round in circles.

Falling again, falling to pieces, falling apart,

Smelling you, sensing you, no one to be seen,

Broken, falling to pieces, stabbing pain in my heart.

Living in hell, living in agony,

crawling on the floor, writhing, slashing,

Blind eyes, shut mouth, no voice,

But screaming loud so loud it hurts my ears.

Falling again, ripped to pieces, ripped apart,

soul lost, floating in space, torn apart,

shrinking, shrieking, drying out, lost heart,

Mind reeling, faceless pain, ever bleeding heart....

Insomnia

Laying perfectly still, listening to the sounds around me, breathing, thinking, thinking, thinking in circles.

Round and round they run in my mind, never coming to an end, never giving me peace.

Laying perfectly still, feeling, feeling, being afraid to fall asleep, afraid of the dreams, afraid of emotions they will certainly stir.

Getting up, coming down, turning on the machine, sitting down and starting to type... Again...

Feeling hollow and frail, how could this happen, what have you done? 

You did what you had to, from your point of view, you've shown no mercy, but maybe it was your mercy to do what you did?

So long ago, but still fresh in my mind, echoing, screaming, tearing me apart...

Sleep, deep, dreamless, sound sleep.... My kingdom for such a thing!

Haunted

Did you ever feel haunted by your own past and memories? 

Dreaming the same dream for weeks? 

Ever felt disturbed by it, did you ever wake up with the feeling of being torn away from some 

kind of paradise and thrown into the icy pits of doom?

I just wonder what this dream is trying to show me? That I have missed my one shot at love completly? 

Is there more than one opportunity for real love?

What does real love mean?

It sounds like the typical Christian way of life: One love, one truth, one way- period.

I won't believe in that, there is more than ONE!

But why does it feel so weird then?

Why did every other time I fell in love never felt so right than this ONE time?