Insomnia

Laying perfectly still, listening to the sounds around me, breathing, thinking, thinking, thinking in circles.

Round and round they run in my mind, never coming to an end, never giving me peace.

Laying perfectly still, feeling, feeling, being afraid to fall asleep, afraid of the dreams, afraid of emotions they will certainly stir.

Getting up, coming down, turning on the machine, sitting down and starting to type... Again...

Feeling hollow and frail, how could this happen, what have you done? 

You did what you had to, from your point of view, you've shown no mercy, but maybe it was your mercy to do what you did?

So long ago, but still fresh in my mind, echoing, screaming, tearing me apart...

Sleep, deep, dreamless, sound sleep.... My kingdom for such a thing!

Haunted

Did you ever feel haunted by your own past and memories? 

Dreaming the same dream for weeks? 

Ever felt disturbed by it, did you ever wake up with the feeling of being torn away from some 

kind of paradise and thrown into the icy pits of doom?

I just wonder what this dream is trying to show me? That I have missed my one shot at love completly? 

Is there more than one opportunity for real love?

What does real love mean?

It sounds like the typical Christian way of life: One love, one truth, one way- period.

I won't believe in that, there is more than ONE!

But why does it feel so weird then?

Why did every other time I fell in love never felt so right than this ONE time?